The Paradox of the Comfort Zone
- gauriraosharma
- Oct 29, 2024
- 2 min read
The term "comfort zone" is confusing. It’s often not as comforting as it sounds. Take chocolate, for instance—irresistible, hard to stop at just one piece, and feels great! But amidst the binge, there’s a gnawing thought reminding you of the risks, like weight gain and diabetes.
Feelings, behaviors, and attitudes follow the same pattern. Our usual ways of being, thinking, and doing come naturally, but we know deep down they won't yield the results we want. Being nice might feel natural, but to thrive, you also need to claim your authority and advocate for yourself at times. Being dominant might align with your personality, but sometimes, compassion is needed to break the impasse.
The comfort zone has a paradoxical quality—what feels good on a sensory and cognitive level feels wrong on a deeper, intuitive level. It’s an inner conflict.
Why do we experience this internal conflict? What stops us from experimenting with new ways that would help us progress instead of staying stuck?
Breaking out of well-grooved habits creates resistance to change. This resistance is like the liminal space between where we are and where we want to go. James Hollis, in his book Living an Examined Life, describes this space as being guarded by two trolls:
Fear: This troll says, “The world is too big for you. You are not up to it.” Speaking up, advocating for yourself, accepting bigger responsibilities—these can seem intimidating.
Lethargy: This troll says, “Chill out. Go back to sleep. Turn on the TV. Tomorrow is another day.” It represents the need to stay safe and cocooned.
Both fear and lethargy keep us in familiar territory—known behaviors, attitudes, lifestyles. This isn't to say we should overthrow everything that works for us and embrace change for its own sake. Instead, we should lean in and listen to the trolls: What do they want? Are they preventing us from doing something stupid, or are they keeping us small and limited?
Resistance triggers our default defense system, prompting us to reach for distractions to avoid nagging thoughts or tasks. Here’s where the pause is important. Stop and ask:
What am I avoiding?
What opportunity am I missing?
What’s the cost of staying comfortable and avoidant?
What do I stand to gain from taking the risk?
Answering these questions demands curiosity and courage. Are you bold enough to take on the quest, to investigate what's working for you and what needs updating, and make life more interesting?
I'm a Leadership and Personal Development Coach. I help people navigate change and develop their personal power through self awareness.
Email: gauri.raosharma@gmail.com
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